"hold you momma"

my little buddy is sick again.  we spent the entire day trying to fight a mean fever (without a whole lot of success) and the poor guy woke up from his nap at grandma's so delirious, he was actually terrified of the ceiling, pointing at it and screaming like it was trying to get him. sad.

it was only a few weeks ago that i took him in to see the beloved pediatrician for his two year check up.   it  started as most well checks do, the nurse telling me my kids are huge for their age and then the dr. drops in for a quick look-them-over.  but, before the dr.'s look over he always asks "do you have any concerns or questions?"  usually, i respond with a simple no (my children are perfect) but on this particular day, i casually mentioned that this particular kid constantly has a snotty nose.

hmmmm ... says dr.

he checks his nose, checks his ears and let's me know it's actually an infection of the ears and sinuses.   way to be a winner mom, YOU SUCK!  i felt bad.  my kids just don't complain that much when they don't feel well.  i figured he just had allergies but i figured wrong.

anyway, dr. prescribed an antibiotic with a refill telling me i might need it.  if he still had a snotty nose when the first dosage was gone, i was to refill and continue to administer the "mmmm, delicious" candy tasting medicine.

at this point, i'm going to admit to another example of my poor mothering.  here it goes ... it is not uncommon for me to forget to give my kids their prescribed meds.  i know. seriously.  somedays i'm a super awesome medicine-giver-outer but other days, i only come through 50% of the time.  luckily, this hadn't ever come back to bite me in the butt and when my little guy looked 100% better after he finished the first dose, i didn't feel like it was necessary to pick up the refill.

wrong.

yesterday, just after we recovered from a family shared flu bug and had planned a fun day of hiking for today, gavin comes down with a sudden and super high fever.  crying that his arms hurt.  unwilling to put any weight on his legs.  this kind of stuff freaks me out.  when my kids who never act sick act sick, i start to come up with all sorts of ridiculous causes.  for example, when i first noticed a change in his behavior and fever, he'd just finished the push-up-pop i was cool enough to buy him from the store.  i mean seriously, the kid did the shopping for me, pushed his own cart and once at the checkout, he held up the push up pop and asked 'please,' what was i supposed to say?  so i bought him the push-up-pop.  he's never had one.  he thought he was cool.  then he got really sick and i blamed the push-up-pop.  naturally.  sugar, high fructose corn syrup, acid, dye ... his arms were burning because the push-up-pop got on his skin.  he must have an allergy to push-up-pops, right?

so this morning i went and picked up the refill of antibiotics i should have picked up three days before like the dr. told me to.

i gave him a dose.  i gave him tylenol, motrin, tylenol.  the fever wouldn't break below 100 so i called the dr. and we went in.  jakes day off work spent at the pediatrician's office.  not what we had hoped for but i have to admit, it was nice to have him in my element.  that's how i felt, like he was a visitor in my world.  i'm even familiar enough with the lab tech that i finally commented on the number burp cloths i've seen her crocheting behind the counter telling jake she makes a lot of those things.

well, anyway, turns out he has tonsillitis.  "his tonsils look like ground hamburger."  yum.  my bad for not keeping him on that darn antibiotic.  bad mommy!

right now i'm hoping like heck that he'll feel better tomorrow so we can go to the zoo this weekend and hiking on monday.  we'll see ... even now, 11:25 p.m. he's calling for momma.

when he wants to be held he says "i hold you momma."

i guess today, if i must express specific appreciation, it will be for this simple request; "i hold you momma."  melts my heart every time.