dear children

i guess you can say we've been out living life instead of documenting it .... sorry it's been so long!

cayden; recently we had an appointment with your kindergarten teacher for testing. you asked, "what do you do at testing?" and i replied, "they make sure you learned all that you were supposed to in kindergarten so that you can move on to the first grade." you stared at me for a minute with peanut butter smeared all over your face and said "is that what you are going to wear?"

... the question is a prime example of your intense desire to fit in, a desire that you've exuded since infancy and it bothers me. i want so badly for you to embrace your individuality and to not worry about what other people think even though i realize that sort of self assurance typically requires a maturity molded from life experiences. this is one reason i regret our decision to start our lives here in suburbia and hope one day we can move to an area where everyone is a little less typical. someplace where you won't be embarrassed when i wear my workout clothes to your elementary school because it's normal to not get "dressed."

i do not recall ever being embarrassed by my mom. maybe that is because she probably wouldn't have gone to meet my teacher in her gym wear. but even if she had, i feel certain it wouldn't have bothered me.

the irony is that i hadn't intended on wearing my gym clothes to the appointment, i was actually going to get "dressed" but decided not to after you posed the question. it was my turn to prove that i have nothing to prove {no need to wonder where you get your stubbornness from}. lead by example? maybe it's not wise to imply that it doesn't matter what other people think because i actually care quite a bit about what other people think but i also think that what matters most is what you think of yourself first and i didn't feel my attire was worthy of embarrassment {and no one laughed at me}.

on to other news. you're having a great time with baseball this year. i dare say you enjoy playing baseball more than wrestling at this point in your life and you seem to have a knack for it too. every year the league holds a fundraiser and as the team mom, i was in charge of collecting the entire teams orders and after doing so i realized how awesome our family and friends are. you sold just under $350 worth of popcorn yourself which was more than the entire remainder of the team put together. there wasn't another order on the team over $50 ... way to go buddy ... always remember how lucky you are to have so much support and love around you all the time.

somehow you've developed a fear of the night. it's taken some convincing to get you down to bed at night and you've even gone so far as to beg to sleep with dad and i because there is most definitely a strange person roaming through our house in the dark. you know it because you hear them every single night!

for a moment i considered your request because it was clear that you really were frightened and i wondered what could it hurt for you to sleep in our bed? what are the chances that you'll want to sleep with us ever again? but, after i explained that if there really were a strange person roaming the house at night, you sleeping in our bed won't make them go away and if they're going to get us, they might as well get us while we sleep in our own beds like brave soldiers. i also let you know that it is actually myself you're hearing as i tend to roam the house at night looking for goodies to eat. this was good enough to convince you that you're room was entirely safe and you politely asked if i would walk around just a little bit quieter. will do son.

something else happened this past month that {i think} is important to remember. for easter, brooklyn received the movie marley and me from the big bunny. we watched the movie together as a family and when it was over, i turned to you {sobbing} and saw that you had huge crocodile tears running down your face with a look of confusion that was simply priceless. for the first time, a movie made you cry and you looked at me and said in a broken voice "that was so sad mom." indeed it was. we agreed to not watch it again for a long time and i silently felt proud to see you feel compassion for others on the big screen.

brooklyn; my dear bossy girl. i do believe that you're on the road to a career in the fashion world although it may not be a successful career unless not-matching becomes a fad. you will not let me pick out clothes for you without whining and crying over every single piece of clothing that i suggest. that is just one problem. another issue we continuously run in to is that over the last 12 months you seem to have grown a foot but not gained an ounce of weight so although your shorts from last year can still be buttoned, they are much too short to be worn in public. sometimes you'll put on two or three shirts at a time, none of which "go" together at all and you insist on wearing sandals from easter two years ago even though i've purchased some cute new sandals that fit perfectly for this summer. this here is a mild example of something you put together recently. notice your toes hanging over your shoes and of course the hoochie shorts. i do not anticipate the years to come ... {oh, and you always stand with your hip out like just like this}

i've noticed you're starting to flirt with boys after watching aunt ann and her friends at ann's 17th birthday party recently. you spritz perfume in your hair every time we leave the house and always wear lip gloss, even if it's on leftover lunch caked all over your mouth. you've been saying "perhaps ..." and "first of all ... " and even "stop talking i'm trying to concentrate!"

"perhaps you should put my hair in a braid ..."

"perhaps i'll have a turkey sandwich for lunch ..."

"first of all, you told me not to clean my room ..."

"first of all, i'm going to clean my room ..."

you tell everyone how to sit, how to stand, what to say, where to go, how to think ... and they listen to you ... even your brother who thinks he's the leader will do whatever you say. it's funny to me.

you're still working hard on your dance skills and have impressively improved on your splits the past few weeks. i wish i could afford to put you in gymnastics. hopefully in the near future because i really think it would be something you enjoy quite a bit.

you were so beautiful at jon and natalie's wedding and so excited about your new aunt. "natalie is my aunt ..." that's what you would tell whoever would listen. i wish i would have taken a picture! soon i will get my hands on some to show you off. you felt like a princess and you looked like one too. you ask me all the time if you can wear the dress again, just on random days like it's no big deal to walk around in a big puffy wedding dress.

gavin; mr. scoot. mr. still-not-walking. you are the best. truly the best little person i've ever known. so what if you don't walk yet? i know you will in your time. there are a lot things you still don't do that your brother and sister did at your age but i don't worry {yet}. you're pro at scooting around on your behind. so much so that you even catch air sometimes when you get going too fast. you point at everything and say "wastat?" and you're vocabulary improves every day. just last night you said "maoooow" when i asked you "what does the cow say?" you say "mama, dada, light, ball, cookie, thank you" and "woof." you shake your head no and say "uh-oh" when molly eats the food you dropped for her on the floor.

you're a little bit timid around strangers much unlike cayd and brooklyn have ever been. they were so much the opposite that it could be embarrassing at times. the second someone tries to talk to you, you cower your head into my neck and i'll admit that i love it!

the warm weather has allowed us to be outside a lot and you drive your little four-wheeler all over the place (the one i call a truck just to annoy your brother ... "you don't know anything mom"). you love to swing and love to watch the kids run around like a bunch of knuckle heads trying to make you laugh.

you've moved up a rank as far as car safety is concerned and this is quite neat. the first time we put you facing forward you were so excited that you could see me and you said "ohhhh" for the first ten minutes of the drive until you started to get sleepy and realized you weren't real sure of exactly how to position your body in this new upright chair. after a bit of crying you figured it out and now you're one of the big kids. almost.

i still think you're the cutest thing to ever live and love every minute of the time i spend with you. even though you're developing a bit of a toddler's attitude and you're quickly figuring out how to throw a fit when things don't go your way, i'm still head over heels for you.

luv, mama