her kiss was a question

if i only had a few minutes to write i would tell you about a recent trip in the car when i felt an array of different emotions.

at a light, i watched a woman chewing her gum enthusiastically and i made a promise to myself to never chew my gum that way. i imagined she might be mortified to know how large she was making that piece of gum look.

i was listening to tom waits (thank you love). "i hope that i don't fall in love with you." if you haven't heard it, do. it was raining and i hoped silently that c would get to stay in for recess because i'd sent him with only a jacket and not a warm coat.

as i neared our destination it had started snowing. the perfect kind of day to not be rushing around outside. the song "martha" came on. if you haven't heard it, do. operator, number, please: made me think of the movie the changeling which made me feel sick. and then of this clip on conan with louis ck that made me laugh as he talks about rotary phones. and then his last line in the song, i remember quite evenings, trembling close to you, made me feel sad and reminded me of the book i'd read recently, the history of love, which was sad and happy and funny and beautiful.

"once upon a time there was a boy who loved a girl, and her kiss

was a question he wanted to spend his whole life answering."

he didn't get to spend his whole life kissing the girl and this was sad. he came for her eventually but she'd already created a life without him. he was terrified of being invisible. he could see things that weren't there. bruno was the friend he never had.

"we started to run. not run, but move in such a way that two people who've worn away all manner of balls and sockets move if they want to catch a train. i had the lead, but bruno was hot on my heels. then bruno, who'd hit upon a way to pump his arms for speed that defies all description, edged me out, and for a moment i coasted while he quote unquote broke the wind. i was concentrating on the back of his neck when, without warning, it plummeted from view. i look behind. he was in a pile on the floor, one shoe on, one off. go! he shouted at me. i floundered, not knowing what to do. go! he shouted again, so i went ....."

this paragraph made me laugh out loud.

he didn't know of the great impact he'd had, indirectly, on many lives and this was beautiful.

i was hoping to read six books this year. so far, i've read seven and they've all been so great. i'd forgotten how much i love to read. i've realized that although my life feels so different now, nothing has really changed.