perspective

many of you have probably heard about the nie recovery for the arizona couple who were in a plane crash in august. they both survived but are still undergoing extensive treatments for severe burns, him over 30% of his body and her over 80% of her body and they have four very young children. when something like this happens, even though it's not someone i personally know, it always results in a little self reflection.

i have read about this woman, stephanie nielson, and how much she loves being a mother. rather than blogging about the challenges that come with raising children, she writes about all of those beautiful moments that fill your life as a result of having kids and finds humor in all of the moments that make me want to pull my hair out. after reading some of her blog, i felt so guilty for not feeling that same sort of "glee" about my own motherhood experiences. especially considering i am alive and well and able to hug them and hear their voices whenever i want to. that they're alive and well and love me un-conditionally. there are so many days that i think i am not cut out for this, it's too hard and i can't do it. i struggle to find patience and beat myself up for not doing better, for not being the mom i want to be. for not being the mom that my children deserve.

recently i came across a blog melancholy smile by a woman who writes of the things that make her happy despite her gloomy disposition and i relate so much more to her than the writings of stephanie nielson and so many other mommy bloggers i frequent. this woman, like me, is not happy-go-lucky by nature ... not all things are fabulous all of the time and she's able to admit that she feels that way yet still finds happiness in the things that matter to her.

there are so many things to smile about and there's so much love in our house. despite the level of difficulty i have found motherhood to be, i wouldn't trade the job for anything in the world.

some in my life are worried about me right now and i am so sorry that i have burdened you with my own gloomy disposition. i am fine. things are fine and i am aware of all of the wonderful surrounding things to be happy about. i will be forever grateful for those who have stepped in and reminded me that they care and they're here for us. for those who have supported my silly scentsy business and cheered me on as i take even more silly ventures to try and make a dime. i am moving along with a positive attitude and am taking much from this humbling experience.

my family is amazing and i am so *happy* to be one of you.