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Reflection ....

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Last night I came across the blog of a woman in Australia and I couldn't stop reading it. It is incredibly touching and devastatingly sad at the same time. This woman is living every mother's worst nightmare. I don't think I'm abnormal to admit that I've often had the "what if" thought about losing one of my children and I find even just the thought to be unbearable. I try to imagine what it must feel like, how could I possible go on with life and it's unimaginable to me.

I suspect that at some point in time this woman felt the same way, that there was no way she could possible live life without one of her precious children and here she is ... doing just that. The beauty in her sadness is that she's able to document her thoughts and emotions, thoughts and emotions that I never want to experience. She does this so eloquently and so beautifully which I found to be a true gift to her readers.

She talks about what she calls the "ripples" in life, wondering if there were small things they could have done differently which may have prevented this accident ~ if she'd paid better attention to her dreams and never fought her husband to buy that car. Her sadness and pain is so raw and so real, the suddenness and finality of that reality is something she mentions over and over again and this really got to me.

These past few months I have felt so inadequate and so overwhelmed. Reading her words reminded me to breathe .. for all these things that I am drowning under are so minuscule when I look at the grand scheme of my life. And so, for today and hopefully for always I will hug my babies more often and tell them how much I love them. I will remember just how little they really are and not take all of their actions and words so personally ... they didn't track the dirt into the house because they wanted to upset me. I will not think about how tired I am when the baby cries in the middle of the night, I will wake and really be there with him, hold him and take in his infancy as much as I can. I am so lucky and I cannot imagine a life without my kids, without this family that the Hub and I have built together. Every once and awhile it's good to reflect and to really feel these beautiful emotions ... to sit back and breathe.

I've added her site to my blog roll, Sheye Rosemeyer.
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seeyou@therally said…
yesterday after another shit day at work I came out to find that someone had dented my car. As I stood there seriously hating life, wanting to kill or die, a guy who works on my project came up to me. He's a good guy, almost a friend so I started bitching about how much my life sucked and blah blah blah. He listened like he cared. Somehow I even think he did. He wanted to tell me that he wasn't going to be here this weekend because he had to attend his little brother's funeral. I guess his little brother, a young healthy guy, had gone into the hospital with a headache that morning and never came home. He was trying hard not to seem emotional but he was starting to tear up. I began to feel a bit uncomfortable. "It's been a tough year," he said. "What else has happened?" I asked, half-fearing the answer. "My 14 year old daughter was kidnapped and found murdered before the holidays," he answered.

We just stared at each other for a minute or two.

Sometimes something offering perspective is a very valuable thing.
June 13, 2008 at 9:38 AM
Sarah said…
I have found that working with chronically ill kids really puts your life in perspective. As many health problems as I face I always remind myself that there are those out there that are so worse off than I am and it keeps my going.

It is always good to be reminded about how precious life really is and how much we need our friends and families.

May we all Seieze the day and be grateful for what we have in our lives.
June 13, 2008 at 11:59 AM
Tonya said…
I too need to remember to breathe, so thanks for remining me! I was about to pass out=) Yesterday I came across a blog of a woman in Utah who is in her 20's. She has two small boys and her husband just died on the 10th from leukemia. I was amazed at her strength and her faith. It is so important to love those who are around us with all we have, so we will never regret.
June 13, 2008 at 4:32 PM
Mrs. Fowden said…
Em, you are such a strong woman and even a more amazing mother.
June 13, 2008 at 8:23 PM
Scottkids said…
Man, everyone wrote really good comments. Joshua, that is sad, and a great way to put you into perspective. Emily, that is AWESOME! I will read what she wrote. It gave me chills just reading your entry. I try to live my life like that, but sometimes forget. Very good entry.
June 14, 2008 at 9:32 AM
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