sleep deprivation
it's been a long time since i've slept through the night soundly. this really has nothing to do with the kids. for the most part, they all sleep really well and rarely wake up in the middle of the night and if they do, they make their way to and from the bathroom on their own just fine. my mind won't shut off. i am a light sleeper to begin with and i can't stand any light in the room. even when i lived at my parents home, i slept with ear plugs. my poor husband. we have two fans; one overhead and a floor fan that run all night simply for the noise. i even turn the floor fan facing into the wall so we don't freeze yet i still wake up every hour. i toss and turn, go pee, roam the house, grab a snack ...
"it's in your head" he will tell me and i know he's right, just like all the other things in my head that make me who i am. knowing that it's in my head doesn't help me one bit. even with the constant humming of the fans, i still hear people walking around my house and i swear on my life there's someone living in my closet at night. and then, right before he slips into his own peaceful coma he says, "i'll protect ya, i know some moves." that's comforting.
i can only sleep flat on my back no matter how uncomfortable it is at times. i messed my back up a few years ago and delivering gavin made it worse. when it goes out, i'm useless and it hurts so bad. it's literally debilitating. add to this the fact that i'm a complete bitch when i'm tired as opposed to an incomplete bitch when i'm well rested. my poor husband.
husband only wakes up to his phone alarm which we leave plugged in on the dresser in our closet so i know if i shut the door, lock the ghost in at night, he won't wake up the next morning on time for work. but his phone is haunted too and throughout the night the face light goes on and off lighting the closet up, then black, light, then dark. it freaks me out.
it doesn't help that the last book i read was really dark. rape, murder and then the haunting of the living by the deceased. i should have known better but i kept on reading.
i've tried tylenol p.m. but i'm still anxious, just a really groggy kind of anxious. i've tried keeping a notepad and pen on the nightstand to write my thoughts down so they'll leave my mind. i've even gone so far as to write things on my hand in the dark. i do my best thinking and planning at night and it's so annoying because my thinking and planning is bad enough during the day.
at the beginning of the year i wrote some resolutions for 2009 and i've been keeping up with all of them just fine but i also had a few that i kept to myself including getting up before the kids at least four days a week to exercise. this means by 6:30 at the latest and 6:00 if i really want to be ambitious. the reasons for this are many. i know it's important to exercise and i've made a conscience effort to do so consistently my entire adult life. off and on anyway. the problem now-a-days is we can't afford the fancy gym membership that comes with a play center for the kids and even if we could, there's no time to get there and back with the school hours split between c and b. and dance. and now wrestling. and soon baseball.
we have a treadmill that works just fine and i've been loving the turbo jam tapes i purchased last summer. during the spring and summer months i can go for a jog outside to mix things up a bit. there's really no excuse for me to not get an hour of movement every day. except for, time. when i workout after i get b to school, i don't have enough time to shower and get dressed for the day until after i get c to school which is in the afternoon. by then, i need to get some work done. work that brings home a paycheck and work that comes with being a wife and a mom. i find myself not getting dressed until it's late enough for a shower and pj's again. my poor husband.
that's when i realized i needed to get up early enough to exercise and be dressed before the kids wake up. it's the obvious solution no matter how much i hate getting out of bed when it is still dark out. but not sleeping well at night makes it so hard to get up so early. you know what i'm saying?
last night i told the hub i was getting up when he gets up and he laughed "you won't do it."
tell me i won't or can't do something and that's all the motivation i need. today, i woke up at 6:15. got my sweat on with chalene and the rest of the turbo jam girls and was showered and dressed before the little ones started making their breakfast requests. i'm so proud of myself. i'm so tired already. i just hope hope hope that working out this early will leave me so exhausted by the end of the day, i'll be sleeping like a baby in no time minus the face covered in snot that that my baby woke up with this morning. and, i am really looking forward to the weather warming up and the inversion moving out so i can go for a jog in the mornings.
if it doesn't work, if i still can't sleep, i don't know what i'll do. any suggestions?
"it's in your head" he will tell me and i know he's right, just like all the other things in my head that make me who i am. knowing that it's in my head doesn't help me one bit. even with the constant humming of the fans, i still hear people walking around my house and i swear on my life there's someone living in my closet at night. and then, right before he slips into his own peaceful coma he says, "i'll protect ya, i know some moves." that's comforting.
i can only sleep flat on my back no matter how uncomfortable it is at times. i messed my back up a few years ago and delivering gavin made it worse. when it goes out, i'm useless and it hurts so bad. it's literally debilitating. add to this the fact that i'm a complete bitch when i'm tired as opposed to an incomplete bitch when i'm well rested. my poor husband.
husband only wakes up to his phone alarm which we leave plugged in on the dresser in our closet so i know if i shut the door, lock the ghost in at night, he won't wake up the next morning on time for work. but his phone is haunted too and throughout the night the face light goes on and off lighting the closet up, then black, light, then dark. it freaks me out.
it doesn't help that the last book i read was really dark. rape, murder and then the haunting of the living by the deceased. i should have known better but i kept on reading.
i've tried tylenol p.m. but i'm still anxious, just a really groggy kind of anxious. i've tried keeping a notepad and pen on the nightstand to write my thoughts down so they'll leave my mind. i've even gone so far as to write things on my hand in the dark. i do my best thinking and planning at night and it's so annoying because my thinking and planning is bad enough during the day.
at the beginning of the year i wrote some resolutions for 2009 and i've been keeping up with all of them just fine but i also had a few that i kept to myself including getting up before the kids at least four days a week to exercise. this means by 6:30 at the latest and 6:00 if i really want to be ambitious. the reasons for this are many. i know it's important to exercise and i've made a conscience effort to do so consistently my entire adult life. off and on anyway. the problem now-a-days is we can't afford the fancy gym membership that comes with a play center for the kids and even if we could, there's no time to get there and back with the school hours split between c and b. and dance. and now wrestling. and soon baseball.
we have a treadmill that works just fine and i've been loving the turbo jam tapes i purchased last summer. during the spring and summer months i can go for a jog outside to mix things up a bit. there's really no excuse for me to not get an hour of movement every day. except for, time. when i workout after i get b to school, i don't have enough time to shower and get dressed for the day until after i get c to school which is in the afternoon. by then, i need to get some work done. work that brings home a paycheck and work that comes with being a wife and a mom. i find myself not getting dressed until it's late enough for a shower and pj's again. my poor husband.
that's when i realized i needed to get up early enough to exercise and be dressed before the kids wake up. it's the obvious solution no matter how much i hate getting out of bed when it is still dark out. but not sleeping well at night makes it so hard to get up so early. you know what i'm saying?
last night i told the hub i was getting up when he gets up and he laughed "you won't do it."
tell me i won't or can't do something and that's all the motivation i need. today, i woke up at 6:15. got my sweat on with chalene and the rest of the turbo jam girls and was showered and dressed before the little ones started making their breakfast requests. i'm so proud of myself. i'm so tired already. i just hope hope hope that working out this early will leave me so exhausted by the end of the day, i'll be sleeping like a baby in no time minus the face covered in snot that that my baby woke up with this morning. and, i am really looking forward to the weather warming up and the inversion moving out so i can go for a jog in the mornings.
if it doesn't work, if i still can't sleep, i don't know what i'll do. any suggestions?
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